A friend recently sent me the following joke:
A man went to the zoo. All they had to exhibit was a dog. It was a shih tzu.
This evening I wondered how many other jokes there were using the pattern “adjective + noun sounds like noun“. So I downloaded the CMU pronouncing dictionary, WordNet and cracked out a bit of Perl.
Here are the jokes my computer came up with (with a little help):
A reformed conman now has a job installing kitchens. He’s an expert counter fitter.
I once knew an IT-professional who used the subjunctive. That’s some pro grammar.
Did you hear about the salad that wouldn’t stop screaming? Now it contains hoarse radish.
An exhibitionist has recently got into songwriting. Be prepared for some new ditty.
I found a niche, but sadly out of date, vegetable in the fridge. Off beet.
My last girlfriend sometimes took her rubber fetish to dangerous levels. She’s now my late ex.
An man from Oceania saved the world with his urine. It was a key wee.
I was once attacked by a blind, snake-like, fish. (That’s not an eyed eel situation.)
An Asian man ran into a bank, started ranting, and then escaped with cash. It was quite some Thai raid.
The man in charge of illuminating the sea was really bad at his job. He got a dim ocean.
I like to play chess. But I try not to involve my czech mate.
Did you see the bird that stole a snack from the beach? I think it was a bay gull.
The harbour has been torn down and replaced with an Italian restaurant. At least there’s no quay.
Do you know the pirate whose son is rude to everyone? He’s a bit of a coarse heir.
Surprisingly, when art collectors die they see more Titians.
So it turns out the original is the only vaguely funny joke with this formula. But I still found it a faintly interesting exercise. Here’s the full ouput from the script (a number only work with an American accent):
whole ding holding high fun hyphen high ding hiding over lode overload sick sur sixer bay cur baker minute mann minuteman white inning whitening west word westward bay leigh bailey whole sailor wholesaler ex caliber excalibur fore sum foursome grey zing grazing up easement appeasement bay dah beda tan zee tansy canned ela candela two sum twosome meet ball meatball hoarse play horseplay elect rick electric sikh won sequin vi null vinyl out ley outlay pro grammar programmer calm stock comstock brute us brutus dear ailment derailment slow polk slowpoke pale eocene paleocene mass cur masker go leigh goalie dear skin deerskin white haul whitehall ex re x-ray true purr trooper lay sur lacer sent wrist centrist manned amos mandamus hoarse tale horsetail vi qing viking mad mann madman well fare welfare game calk gamecock pink us pincus two two tutu coarse heir corsair all bunny albany down beet downbeat some ali somali sign eye sinai lee word leeward thai kuhn tycoon north word northward lay burr labor fab urge faberge yugoslav eon yugoslavian earthen wear earthenware dutch us duchess bass cut basket lite house lighthouse no wear nowhere after affect aftereffect nee dea needy calm bat combat lee dough lido ill aberration elaboration rush dea rushdie beat nyx beatniks fore ae foray thai sun tyson low ding loading smug ling smuggling gu gull google sore ting sorting back sa backsaw puff inn puffin arch whey archway pro bait probate ex torsion extortion hoarse power horsepower manned ela mandela sick loan cyclone sign us sinus czech point checkpoint damn nation damnation thai ping typing pass time pastime lee ana liana fore teen fourteen pro phyle profile tan dea tandy curt si curtsy thai fuss typhus triple ae aaa bally who ballyhoo uncertain tee uncertainty fey cur faker silver wear silverware green whey greenway thai dea tidy dead locke deadlock raw money romany bush null bushnell bay luff bailiff hoarse back horseback bay qing baking proper tee property own us onus over shute overshoot east earner easterner fey ding fading calm rad comrade old stir oldster loose urn lucerne nett work network meet packing meatpacking express whey expressway wrong dewar wrongdoer wry myrrh rhymer must ashe mustache gay vara guevara hip ease hippies sovereign tee sovereignty manned rake mandrake handy kraft handicraft west urn western some esther semester fore tee forty burry tow burrito casual tee casualty mass tuff mastiff blooming tonne bloomington fair ill farrell jawed purr jodhpur sere ease series pet roll petrol up lund upland bitter route bitterroot fore square foursquare fore tuna fortuna normal si normalcy high lund highland lite ship lightship anti frieze antifreeze nee ling kneeling dumb purr dumper no belle nobel high coup haiku fore going forgoing new cum newcomb lively hood livelihood vi mar weimar bass it basset broad castor broadcaster bone us bonus french mann frenchman up eel appeal missed rus mistress chief tonne chieftain sec cyst sexist pass tell pastel past ell pastel key no keno more gun morgen sore bey sorbet hoar us horus counter mann counterman boss raw basra blue belle bluebell over ley overlay lee myrrh lemur stripped ease striptease green lund greenland far myrrh farmer lay dea lady fell dean feldene pass ill passel waste line waistline sane thomas st_thomas lay ocean laotian bay six basics distal eight distillate skim attic schematic bay gull bagel mass cut mascot go tee goatee more timur mortimer up draught updraft sent orr centaur sore tee sortie up roach approach norman dea normandy seven tease seventies raw burt robert six tease sixties ex poe expo lee ping leaping hard wear hardware overt aching overtaking ten us tennis sought ae saute sore us sorus hale storm hailstorm wed locke wedlock go fur gopher more tonne morton up laws applause paid ae payday nine tease nineties hind site hindsight seedy si cdc sere us cirrus six tee sixty blue byrd bluebird pro cane procaine likely hood likelihood ex porte export bay cyst bassist fore truss fortress low thing loathing large us largess safe tee safety eight ease eighties loyal tee loyalty out lory outlawry dumb belle dumbbell pro mow promo pale ode payload hoarse head horsehead due little doolittle mass qing masking fore tease forties middle tonne middleton common terry commentary mad rus madras go carte go-cart due berry dewberry hoar mon hormone missed rust mistrust gu rue guru grim us grimace manned eight mandate grey si gracie free whey freeway mined set mindset two nick tunic farming tonne farmington hoarse radish horseradish banned leader bandleader lay ding lading lee cur leaker shy locke shylock key whole keyhole cross beau crossbow high qing hiking novel tee novelty flint locke flintlock pass porte passport czech book checkbook first bourne firstborn male ae melee high jean hygiene down caste downcast lee cock leacock raw cur rocker northeast word northeastward million heir millionaire wrecked angle rectangle fey sur facer bum purr bumper plane tuff plaintiff over draught overdraft out cum outcome up earring appearing go ding goading high flyer highflier high dun haydn banned wagon bandwagon bay sus basis base us basis whole dover holdover wee cunning weakening nigh trait nitrate nigh agra niagara new tonne newton key ev kiev fore qing forking high doubt hideout high cur hiker sly sur slicer thai wan taiwan bored room boardroom black liszt blacklist two buhl tubule fab rick fabric sham pu shampoo evil dewar evildoer pussy kat pussycat handy mann handyman meet loaf meatloaf up wright upright mid heir midair black byrd blackbird mean wile meanwhile grand sun grandson merry anise marianas raw chester rochester key tone ketone mum alien mammalian well ding welding sere ia syria dry dun dryden calm beau combo eighty pee atp high dah haida ane us anus bored walk boardwalk wry no rhino common tater commentator big inning beginning raw low rollo fore mull formal sore surrey sorcery up ointment appointment high sun hyson mayoral tee mayoralty hoar nit hornet well tee welty star quay starkey legion heir legionnaire fore tay forte whole steen holstein out gogh outgo west earner westerner fore word forward long horne longhorn lite weight lightweight few ling fueling handy cap handicap nigh chert nightshirt mocking byrd mockingbird missed rial mistrial awed it audit big inn begin thai raid tirade sore buss sorbus lame ia lamia written house rittenhouse gold win goldwyn broad caste broadcast auld ermine alderman green piece greenpeace handy work handiwork high fur heifer pure ae puree crisp inn crispin coral eight correlate keen oat keynote fond yue fondue silver steen silverstein hoarse flesh horseflesh premiere ship premiership pure bread purebred whole fast holdfast raw burr robber sown are sonar curt us curtis raw stir roster fore myrrh former mini buss minibus missed aching mistaking just us justice banned width bandwidth more us morris sore bonn sorbonne ten dun tendon blue ming blooming entire tee entirety utter ni attorney fly whey flyway bourgeois zee bourgeoisie young cur younker nigh quay nike damn purr damper nett scape netscape banned anna bandana grey ting grating weak end weekend adverse eyrie adversary young stir youngster fore caste forecast shy stir shyster super starr superstar raw strum rostrum grey ding grading beat nick beatnik nigh city nicety fair ia feria raw ni rani more titian mortician eyed eel ideal frail tee frailty banned stand bandstand male box mailbox go bee gobi raw swell roswell wry zing rising away cunning awakening port rut portrait czech out checkout prime eyrie primary sick steen sixteen dim eyes demise wet stone whetstone no quay gnocchi pat urn pattern free bee freebie dread naught dreadnought sick allah cicala pro teen protein fair well farewell fourth rightness forthrightness whole stir holster side steppe sidestep grand add grandad sere eon syrian seven tee seventy key west key_west high jack hijack weak day weekday pallid inn paladin three sum threesome special tee specialty gold burg goldberg indoor sur endorser wry ting writing pro gram programme broke aide brocade expert ease expertise well cum welcome lite bulb lightbulb fore wording forwarding wild kat wildcat vi purr viper trusty ship trusteeship weather mann weatherman missed ache mistake marine lund marineland high mi hymie fine ding finding fore matte format new bourne newborn ex es excess candid eight candidate hale stone hailstone raw cut rocket eyed ia idea gu fee goofy counter fitter counterfeiter lee ding leading nee cap kneecap middle mann middleman port lund portland main ia mania lite motif leitmotif bass till bastille certain tee certainty dim eater demeter east word eastward tied water tidewater lee tow leto prime eight primate star byrd starboard due tee duty blue purr blooper over caste overcast more leigh morley red byrd redbird over cote overcoat back bawd backboard hoar ni horney mass kera mascara full tonne fulton given us givenness dull simmer dulcimer fore site foresight nine tee ninety brazen us brazenness wee lund wieland raw ting rotting few guard fugard sour kraut sauerkraut bay sting basting base ting basting due bye dubai male mann mailman over site oversight true foe truffaut raw mull rommel sore gum sorghum out caste outcast numb burr number honey due honeydew no vela novella coral eyrie corollary single tonne singleton down pore downpour high whey highway own ida oneida vi dah wajda bay route beirut whole doubt holdout blue myrrh bloomer out liar outlier strait edge straightedge ex ice excise key ping keeping camp eon campion hoarse shoe horseshoe calm petition competition ex aspiration exasperation ex checker exchequer thai myrrh timer shy en cheyenne czech mate checkmate high poe hypo lee dah leda south word southward disloyal tee disloyalty gay lick gaelic calm press compress stock pyle stockpile male ox maalox male strum maelstrom some olea somalia due dad doodad thai poe typo calm pact compact thai burr tiber lay sick lasik wee ling wheeling made ae mayday indie annapolis indianapolis hoar house whorehouse key wee kiwi strong mann strongman bay sick basic czech liszt checklist bay sun basin free mont fremont green burg greenberg bay ting baiting some owen samoan counter fit counterfeit on corps encore fore micah formica worst id worsted no ell noel wry leigh riley gold marque goldmark southwest urn southwestern calm post compost potent eight potentate under cote undercoat out cider outsider necked eye necktie black male blackmail elder leigh elderly elect road electrode fair whey fairway down draught downdraft thick it thicket lay ni laney wee klee weekly weak leigh weekly teased ale teasdale pop sickle popsicle white tale whitetail stone wear stoneware wry fling rifling rife ling rifling low us loess xi ting sheeting lee vi levi cut ell cattell low fur loafer gay ming gaming pat si patsy sikh rut secret dim arch demarche boss tonne boston on dante andante fore castor forecaster mid whey midway slow gun slogan musky tow mosquito stock tonne stockton over lapp overlap dumb ping dumping wee no wino new ditty nudity fey ling failing bare ia beria lee stir leister royal tee royalty some won someone low commotion locomotion real ae relay broad whey broadway here say hearsay bald won baldwin lee whey leeway sold add soledad thai ming timing off us office lee foe lifo eyed entity identity rank inn rankin gross beak grosbeak dead beet deadbeat new porte newport outspoken us outspokenness low gun logan proto caul protocol dim ocean demotion billion heir billionaire two loos toulouse sham pane champagne plane song plainsong lay tex latex late ex latex up razor appraiser key tonne keaton far gogh fargo two pei toupee prime us primus thai tonne titan out rigor outrigger kin zee kinsey low gogh logo sham plane champlain manned rill mandrill second eyrie secondary new bee newbie hoarse shoes horseshoes flat wear flatware wee cling weakling lay bun laban damn sun damson still well stilwell mock si moxie wry ding riding some wear somewhere indie anna indiana on trey entree free dun friedan lee quay leakey dry fuss dreyfus petty cote petticoat subtle tee subtlety shy low shiloh full crumb fulcrum cut are qatar calm pound compound thai pei taipei through whey thruway own eel o'neill new burg newburgh nee boor niebuhr calm position composition high phi hi-fi off beet offbeat lee no lino low cuss locus red cote redcoat off shute offshoot low wee loewi green male greenmail fore fit forfeit up dyke updike odd olea adalia big horne bighorn long beau longbow raw bun robin dull us dulles male bag mailbag low cull local bay bee baby thorough bread thoroughbred key purr keeper two myrrh tumor up beet upbeat raw claw wroclaw matte rus mattress tight us titus
I don’t think computers will be kicking out the writers any time soon.